Thursday, March 29, 2012

3/30/12
John 5:24 “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life.”
I love ending my time here in Costa Rica with this verse because it sums up the Gospel in such a simple and comprehendible way. Anyone who hears the word of God and believes in the Father who sent Jesus will be saved. Shaylene has been reading the book How to Give Away Your Faith. In this book, it challenges the reader to sum up the Gospel in a basic message. I was inspired by this verse because it clearly lays out what one needs to do to be saved. Evangelism really is simply sharing the Good News of freedom in Christ.
Application: As I am on the plane, I am going to commit to talking with at least one other person about the Good News. Even though this seems like a simple step of faith…it is huge for me and I am going to commit to opening up my mouth and proclaiming.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

3/28/12
John 5:5-6 Now a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, “Do you want to be made well?”
Wow, this man had been ill for thirty-eight years and was waiting by Bethsada, a pool, where “an angel went down at a certain time into the pool and stirred up the water; then whoever stepped in first, after the stirring of the water, was made well of whatever disease he had.” (verse4) Yet, Jesus still asks this man if he wants to be made well. This was huge for me because from an outsider’s perspective reading this passage it was obvious that this man wanted to be healed, but God desires that we make our requests known to him. For it says in Matt. 7:8 …Everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. This obviously does not mean that everything that we ask for, we will receive, but Jesus does desire that we voice our requests to Him.
This made me question my own life. Am I faithfully asking the Lord for the areas that I desire to have clarity or need changed in mine or someone else’s life? I know that the Lord extends grace, but before I can expect an answer I need to be asking.
Application: I am going to start making my requests more specific this week. God already knows my heart, but it is His desire for me to voice them to Him. I am thankful that God’s character and will is not dependent on me, but I desire to this (pray specifically) out of obedience to what He has showed me in His word.
3/29/12
John 5:13-14 But the one who was healed did not know who it was, for Jesus had withdrawn, a multitude being in that place. Afterward Jesus found him in the temple, and said to him, “See, you have been made well. Sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon you.”
These verses are taken from the story of the man who Jesus healed near the pool of Bethsada. What is important to note here, I think, is that Jesus followed up with the man. He didn’t leave him hanging but followed through with what he had started even though the Jews were seeking to harm Him.
This shows how critically important it is to follow through with a new believer even when you have to overcome obstacles. As I will be leaving Costa Rica soon, it has been on my heart to not let these kids at PFK feel as if I just left them hanging as well.
Application: When I get back to the US, I am going to write some letters to the PFK kids so that they know that they are not only special in my eyes but the Lord’s as well. I know that the PFK program is made up of solid leaders that absolutely love these kids and pour out their lives for them. I just hope that by me writing a letter, it would show in another way as well the immense love God has for them (as well as myself).

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

3/26/2012
John 4:43-44 Now after the two days, He departed from there and went to Galilee. For Jesus Himself testified that a prophet has no honor in his own country.
Here Jesus is explaining that a prophet is not respected in his home country. People often doubt when they can’t get past the familiarity of that person. (Matt. 13: 55) It is hard to look past the outside and look at the person as God sees them. As a result, familiarity can be a blinder and hinder others.
This made me think of missionaries to the US who are from the US. So often I have seen how others including myself often consider those who go overseas a novelty or a step above those who are working in the US. Yes, working here in Costa Rica has been nothing like it would in the US. It is a completely different scenario with the culture, language, and everything much less accessible than in the US. However, at the same time, that does not diminish what the Lord might have called someone to do in their home country. The most important thing is that I am where God wants me. If I am in HIS will than no other place will do.
Application: As I go back to the US, I want to keep in mind that I am still a missionary no matter where I go. Pastor John Whang said that he put a sign in front of his door that read, “Entering the mission field” so that he would remember that when he walked out that door…there was a mission field awaiting him. I need to recognize that wherever God calls me is where I am supposed to be no matter if that is in my home country or overseas.
3/27/12
John 4:48 Then Jesus said to him, “Unless you people see signs and wonders, you will by no means believe.” The nobleman said to him, “Sir, come down before my child dies!” Jesus said to him, “Go your way; your son lives.” So the man believed the word that Jesus spoke to him, and he went his way.
“Unless you people see signs and wonders, you will by no means believe.” This phrase clearly shows a lack of faith among the people. However, the people are given such a powerful example of faith in the following verses from this nobleman. For even when he had no proof in the moment that his son was healed, he still believed. This man had to put faith in what Jesus said to him verbally before he could see it visually.
This was a really good reminder for me because as I trust God with my future knowing He holds all. I need to stop worrying about it and instead believe and put my faith in who HE is. I am encouraged how this man’s faith was rewarded but it took that whole trip back to his house walking in faith before he was able to visually see his faith confirmed.
Application: I am going to continue trusting the Lord….even when I am don’t visually understand what is happening, I need to have faith. For without faith, it is impossible to please God. (Hebrews 11:6)

                                                                        

Sunday, March 25, 2012

3/21/2012
John 4:34-35 Jesus said to them “My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to finish His work. Do you not say, ‘There are still four months and then comes the harvest’? Behold, I say to you, lift up your eyes and look at the fields, for they are already ripe for harvest!”
Here the disciples were urging Jesus to eat something, but Jesus was telling them how He is fed doing the work of the Father. What I think is the big picture, though, is that often times, I am too focused in the moment, what I need to do for myself, but here Jesus is telling them not to be caught up in the present looking “down” at yourself, but look up and see all that God wants to do in your life and those around you.
How often do I think, “I am just going to do this right now and later I will follow through with that person….just not now.” But I can’t think that way because the harvest is ready now…why wait?
Application: I need to get my eyes off myself and up into the eyes of the Lord. I want God to be able to direct me with His eyes, and the only way He can do that is if I am looking into them.
3/22/2012
John 4:37-38 “For in this the saying is true: ‘One sows and another reaps.’ “I sent you to reap that for which you have not labored, others have labored, and you have entered into their labors.”
What an important life verses these are. God has given each one a task …one that we were made uniquely for. If my task is sowing, I may never see the reaping but what I am doing is as equivalently important for the kingdom as reaping. In verse 38, it points out that at times we will reap what we have not labored for. Maybe we are that last person to share the Good News with that person before they accept Christ, yet just because we saw the fruit it does not negate the perhaps twenty years a brother or daughter might have poured them. That is why I think it is so important to be secure in what God has called us to do because somebody has to do the sowing and someone the reaping. Don Victor, the PFK cook, shared something very similar a couple weeks ago that even if we do not see the results of our labors in the PFK kids right now, we need to continually be faithful to pour into them.
At the same time, if we are called to be reapers, it is important to realize that God is sovereign. He ultimately is the ONLY ONE who can draw men unto repentance. Nothing is because of what we have done; someone’s salvation is not dependent on how we word something or the vocabulary we use. God can use someone so weak, yet show His power so mightily through that person at the same time.
Application: When I am at PFK helping with the kids, I want to be pouring all of myself out because only God knows the eternal influence that will have on their future lives. God, I pray that you would give me the strength if you are asking me to be the sower and to be faithful even when I don’t see the results, knowing that all good things come You…not from me.
3/23/2012
John 4:39-42 And many of the Samaritans of that city believed in Him because of the word of the woman who testified, “He told me all that I ever did.” So when the Samaritans had come to Him, they urged Him to stay with them; and He stayed there two days. And many more believed because of His own word. Then they said to the woman, “Now we believe, not because of what you said, for we ourselves have heard Him and we know that this is indeed the Christ, the Savior of the world.”
Here is a very interesting scene to me because notice where Jesus’ name was first declared in Samaria: through the mouth of this Samaritan woman. Later on, as Jesus stayed with the Samaritans, it was the word of Jesus that sustained their faith. However, because of this woman’s one act of obedience, many were drawn to listen to the words of Jesus. Now if Jesus had wanted to, He could have made all of the Samaritans come out and listen to Him, but He didn’t. Instead, He chose to use this broken woman who probably didn’t feel valued by the society around her, and restored her, allowing her to be a part of His ministry to her city, Samaria.
I think this applies to life in general. When we are broken, we need to look up to Jesus. If we are looking to ourselves, downward, how will we ever give Jesus the opportunity to restore and use us? When we are weak, He is made strong (2 Cor. 13:9). I am so thankful that God is not limited on who He can use but wants to use all. He is our REDEEMER, HEALER, and SAVIOR.
Application: I want to remember how this woman’s one act of obedience caused many to come to Jesus receiving eternal life. I don’t want to ever underestimate what God can do through me or anyone else around me. Please forgive me, God, where I have doubted, and give me the strength and faith to see how you see.

Monday, March 19, 2012

3/20/2012
John 4:25 The woman said to him, “I know that Messiah is coming” (who is called Christ) “When He comes, will tell us all things.”
Wow, this is so mind-boggling that Jesus is talking right here with this woman, yet she could not pick up a hint in JESUS’ manner that He was the MESSIAH. I think this should speak loud and clear to us. Obviously, Jesus  did not have an air about Him that demanded respect and deference. No, JESUS was the One who was constantly serving behind the scenes and in public giving an example no matter where He was or who was around.
Application: What does my attitude speak about myself? I need to be walking humbling …knowing who I am in Jesus Christ, a sinner saved by grace. Not seeking for others to notice or acknowledge, solely the Father in heaven. As I go throughout my day, I will seek to please the Father through serving because the Father sees and knows all even the intentions of my heart.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

3/19/2012
John 4:23-24 “But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”
True worship is not just said with words but is an expression of the heart. To me, worshiping in spirit and in truth means that you are worshiping in Spirit by revealing in the presence of God and truth by coming before the Lord with an open heart and transparent life. How can we worship the Lord if we are not open and honest with Him in ALL areas of our life?
The great thing about worshiping in Spirit is that God’s presence is everywhere. We are never limited to a certain place, time, or appearance to experience the fullness of worshiping God. I love that true worship in not dependent on the location of our bodies but the placement of our hearts.
Application: God, thank you that true worship is not confined to a certain set of unachievable guidelines, but You made it possible for ALL to experience the fullness of Your presence in all moments of life. Please give me the strength to live out Your presence during my day even in the little things e.g. cleaning or playing in the plaza…I desire to be more attuned to dialoguing with You throughout my day.

Friday, March 16, 2012

3/16/2012
John 4: 20-22 “Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, and you Jews say that in Jerusalem is the place where one ought to worship. Jesus said to her, “Woman, believe Me, the hour is coming when you will neither on this mountain, nor in Jerusalem, worship the Father. You worship what you do not know, we know what we worship for salvation is of the Jews.”
Here Jesus is giving this woman a glimpse into the future worship of God which gives no regard to place or time. Worship would no longer be about fulfilling rituals and doing what they had always done generationally. It would solely be focused on the ONE they worship.
It’s interesting to me that Jesus said, “You worship what you do not know”.  When we are caught up in the rituals and getting everything “just so” it is easy to lose the whole purpose of Jesus Christ. This spoke volumes to me especially as I am starting to help out with worship more. It is not so much that the worship group sings on key or that the drums are perfect. No, it is all about Senor de Senores, Lord of Lords, and that is what people should see and experience when they enter into worship.
Application: As I lead worship God, please help me to give an example of praise that is only about You and not myself. God, I desire everything I do to bring praise and glory to you. Next time that I am helping lead worship, I will try to consciously be making Jesus the center of the worship instead of getting the key just right or adding fancy footwork in a song.
3/15/2012
John 4:16-18 Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.” The woman answered and said, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ “for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.”
Here Jesus knows exactly what to ask to gently correct this woman without bringing condemnation on her.  Many times it seems that the Lord asks us difficult questions in which we have a choice to be honest or not, yet whether or not we admit the truth, He knows all. This gives me such reassurance that when I mess up and have to come back for the Father’s forgiveness, He already knows all that I have done. He is just looking for a repentant and honest heart that is soft and yielded to Him.
Application: I am going to continue to be open and honest with the Lord being consciously aware to always go to Him with all that is happening in my life. I desire to be open in everything. Thank you God, that you are full of grace and mercy for me. Amen.
3/14/2012
John 4:15 The woman said to Him, “Sir, give me this water, that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw.”
This verse reveals this woman’s desperate need for her physical need of water, yet how much more did she need the living water of Jesus Christ. Every person in this world has the same desperate need of the spirit of God. I am reminded how many times I have backed away from sharing the true living water of Jesus with someone either because I have thought the other person was “too cool” or “wouldn’t listen” doubting that they would see their need for Jesus Christ. However, I am reminded that it doesn’t matter if they recognize it or not, EVERYONE has this need. And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? (Romans 10:14)
Application: The next time an opportunity arises to share the living water of Jesus and I allow thoughts of fear to come into my heart; I will meditate on this story and go ahead boldly. Every day I see my need for Jesus Christ more and more. Therefore, I should share Jesus because everyone has this hole in their life before they allow Jesus to fill it.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

3/9/2012
John 4:10 Jesus answered and said to her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is who says to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.”
What was driving Jesus to talk to this woman? It was not her physical need of water but her spiritual need of Living Water. In Romans 15 vs. 27 it talks about not only our responsibility to fulfill the spiritual needs of others but also the physical. However, sometimes physical needs are very obvious and Jesus is emphasizing on this woman’s spiritual need at the moment.
This is an extremely important truth especially as I am serving in Costa Rica right now. Yes, we are called to fulfill the physical needs around us; but, most importantly, what are we doing about people’s spiritual needs? If I make a meal for someone, am I more concerned about the pasta being “just right” or if the recipient gets prayer, a word of encouragement, or whatever the Lord puts on my heart. Am I attune to His spirit directing me…looking to see what He would have me do?
Application: All too often, I am completely wrapped up in meeting the physical needs of others. God, I pray that I would be more attuning to your heart and the things that you desire to accomplish through my every action of the day.
3/12/2012
John 4:12 “Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well, and drank from it himself, as well as his sons and his livestock?”
This verse struck me in a new way. Here this woman is talking to God of all gods and Lord of all lords, yet she is in doubt considering Jesus greater than Jacob.  Jacob is a familiar picture, a relatable life story that has been passed down from generation to generation. It was a culturally accepted fact that Jacob was a great and mighty man.
Are there things in my life that I have doubt about what the Lord is telling me because it goes culturally against what I have learned? Does it make me challenge what I have generally thought of as “my right” or “just the way to do things”? Being here in Costa Rica has challenged my thoughts on what should be my aspirations in life…about material wealth…and about sharing what you have.
One of the things the Lord has really impressed upon my heart is the importance of living simply. Our life should not be about seeing how much we can hoard for ourselves but what is the best way to live out Christ’s life.
Application:
I am going to write out some of the truths I have learned being here in Costa Rica and be open to how they may challenge my original thoughts of what was “normal”, “right”, or “just the way things should be done”.
3/13/2012
John 4:13-14 Jesus answered and said to her, “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”
How sweet to think…everything on this earth is only meant to last a little time, yet God is meant to last forever. Everything that God gives us it to fill us NOT leaving us unsatisfied. God fills us with His living water that gives us the strength to do all that is before us every day. It is what drives us to step out of our comfort zone to share His name with others. This living water from God is what sustains us when we don’t feel filled in other areas of our life through friendships, a “good” job, or money in abundance. All these things we think will make us happy and fulfilled. They may give us happiness, but is happiness what we really want. Happiness is totally dependent on circumstances; isn’t God’s joy that sustained Paul through all of his life’s trials that we want supporting us in this race to the pearl gates of heaven?
Application:
God, thank you for this living water that you provide through your Word bringing life into my soul and heart. I pray, God, that when I desire to be filled, that I look to you and NOT to these earthly things around me that satisfy me for a short while leaving me just as in want again later.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

3/7/2012
John 4:7-8 A woman of Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give me a drink.” For His disciples had gone away into the city to buy food.
Here we see two practical needs that Jesus asked to be done. One, He needed a drink of water, and two, He needed some food. The obedience of both parties enabled Him to fulfill the ministry the Father was calling Him to do.
If Jesus had asked the woman for a drink of water and she did not comply, we never know how differently the situation might have played out. Secondly, with the disciples being gone, Jesus was able to minister to the woman alone. What would have happened if the disciples had not gone into the city to buy food? Would Jesus have been able to still minister to the woman? In the previous verse, it stated that Jesus was weary. He needed substantial energy (food) to keep Him going. If the disciples had not gone, would Jesus been gone at this moment to go get food?
We will never know the answer to these questions, but through their obedience and willing hearts to follow through with Jesus’ requests, ministry was accomplished in the best manner according to His divine plan.
Application: I am going to keep in mind that when I do even the practical needs of life: e.g. sweeping the floor, washing a plate, or serving a drink…all are just as important as any other part of ministry if I am following through with the tasks Jesus has placed before me to do. Everything I and those around me do for Jesus are essential parts of the body of Christ.
3/8/2012
John 4:9 Then the woman of Samaria said to Him, “How is it that You, being Jew, ask a drink from me, a Samaritan woman?” For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.
Here Jesus is majorly going against the accepted behavior in that day for a Jewish teacher. Not only is He talking to a Samaritan but He is talking to a woman. First of all, just that Jesus chose to go through Samaria is a huge deal. Normally, the Jews would avoid going through Samaria at all costs, but Jesus  is not only going through Samaria but is stopping to talk to a Samaritan woman. Even though Jesus was higher in every aspect of those around Him, He never flaunted His power. He was always the first one showing the example of servant hood.
He was always initiating humility, never needing to be asked to humble Himself because He was always ready to serve no matter what it was.
Application: Am I living humility out in my life? Do I have to wait to be asked to do something humbling or do I immediately initiate it. God, please give me eyes for those things in which need to be done so that I might initiate an attitude of humility.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

3/5/2012
John 4:4 “But He [Jesus] needed to go through Samaria.”
In the previous verse, it explains how Jesus needed to go to Galilee. However, what is surprising here is that He is going through Samaria to get to Galilee. Usually, the Jews would avoid going through Samaria at all costs, but it says here that Jesus NEEDED to go through Samaria. There was a direct purpose in His going through here on the way to Galilee. Nothing that Jesus did was by coincidence or accident. He purposefully made every move in His ministry for a specific reason.
How encouraging this is right now, as I look to the future, I feel as though parts of my life don’t make sense. I can’t see the big picture. I am sure the disciples thought that Jesus was crazy for going through Samaria and had absolutely no idea why He would even choose to go through there. BUT JESUS KNEW exactly what He was doing.
Application: Again, I need to continually depend on God. I may not know what the future holds or why God has allowed and directed me to experience different opportunities in my life. I don’t need to get my hands on it [my future] even though every bone and impulse in my body desires to do so. God please give me strength. I don’t want my fingers on Your plans for my life!
3/6/2012
John 4:6 Now Jacob’s well was there. Jesus therefore, being wearied from His journey, sat thus by the well. It was about the sixth hour.
Wow! Here in this verse, Jesus is weary from a long journey, yet look at where He is positioning His body to rest…in the exact place He knew He was going to minister. He didn’t wait a couple hours in a secluded area to rest and then go to the place He was called to pour out. No, there was no beating around the bush. He went directly to the area He needed to minister as soon as He arrived in Samaria.
This spoke hugely to me. There are days I don’t “feel” like I want to go work or pour out, but each time I do, I am so blessed….emotionally and spiritually through knowing that I am serving the Lord. It is amazing to me how when you give out to God EVEN WHEN YOU ARE TIRED….He gives you strength in the moment to complete all He has for you.
Application: This next week, when I am battling the temptations of looking to self because of physical exhaustion, I will look to the Lord for my strength and remember His amazing example that He demonstrated. Thank you Jesus for coming in the form of human flesh and humbling yourself that you might overcome and show us how to live our lives in the midst of temptations and battles.

Friday, March 2, 2012

1/28/2012
John 3:31 “He who comes from above is above all; he who is of the earth is earthly and speaks of the earth. He who comes from heaven is above all.”
Again, I am reminded from this verse how God’s ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts over our thoughts. I find it very interesting here that the verse specifically speaks of our words. Are they earthly or heavenly?
This morning I read, Ephesians 5:2-4 where it says, “And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma. But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks… (vs. 6) Let no one deceive you with empty words.
The importance of what I say and allow others to say around me was instilled in my heart once again. I should be wise and careful….leaving no place for the flesh (Rom. 13); I want to guard my words carefully, for out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.
Application: Lord, may I be wise and carful about my words….please give me a renewed understanding and awareness of how I am using my words whether it is even the tone or heart behind them. I need Your discernment to choose my words carefully that they may be full and sweet not empty and bitter to Your ears.
2/29/2012
John 3:34 “For He whom God has sent speaks the words of God, for God does not give the Spirit by measure.”
Whoever is sent by the Lord to speak His words has an equal share of the Holy Spirit as everyone else who is also called to speak the words of God. The Lord does not pick favorites, but gives the Spirit equally to everyone He sends out.
I believe, as Believers, we are all sent to speak the words of God to share His word (the Bible) and speak words of life to those around us. This means that we are all equal heirs to the power of God. God is not giving one person more than another; we all have equal opportunity to obtain this free gift of the Spirit.
Application: When I start to feel inadequate and downplaying what God can do through me, I need to immediately stop myself and realize that the Lord has given me just as much of the Holy Spirit as He has to others in the family of God e.g. Esther in the Old Testament. Lord, I receive all you have for me and ask for a renewed filling of the Spirit in my life.

3/1/2012
John 3:35-36 The Father loves the Son, and has given all things into His hand. He who believes in the Son has everlasting life; and he who does not believe the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God abides in him.”
I love how this verse is very clear that God’s power and words were spoken through Jesus. So many people today try to downplay Jesus saying that He was a good moral person or a good teacher but don’t acknowledge that He was actually the Son of God. Anyone who rejects this is subject to the wrath of God.
At times in my life, I have questioned why there is the wrath of God, but as I have been reading, In the Grip of Grace by Max Lucado it has helped me understand how great God’s grace is for us. However, in order for me to appreciate His grace, I have to have an understanding of His wrath. Without His wrath, grace means nothing….we first have to understand our fallen state that we might see our need for salvation.
Application: God, thank you for Your righteous wrath…because if you did not show your righteous wrath, You would not be pure and just. This also makes me appreciate Your grace even more. Thank you that I can rest in Your grace….and I do not have to earn any merit for my salvation.
3/2/2012
John 4:2 (though Jesus himself did not baptize, but His disciples),
In the previous verse, it explains how the Pharisees were aware of the fruitful ministry Christ was having making and baptizing more disciples than John. Before the verse continues, there is this parenthesis in the middle that explains who was doing the baptizing. I was hit by this because although Jesus was the source and the leader of the ministry, He was raising up other ministers.
About a week ago, our team was challenged to take on some more responsibility in different areas of leadership while still being under the guidance and direction of the leader. This leader was letting us take part trying to train us up to learn. I was struck how this was a very Godly choice they were making. Even though it is often frightening for me to learn new skills or to be passed on a measure of responsibility, it is the only way I can grow.
Application: I need to embrace these opportunities instead of shying away from them. God cannot prepare me for the future if I am never willing to be stretched. I have asked Him over and over to grow in me all that He desires. This can only be done by going out of my comfort zone….God, thank you for these opportunities and please give me strength and ability in all that is asked of me.